Raph's Nightmares
by Khazel
Summary: TMNT FanFiction. Raph's having a bad time because of some annoying dreams. Meanwhile, his brothers can't help getting into more and more trouble, and that doesn't help Raph clearing off his mind.
1. Chapter 1

Walking into my brother's lab isn't my favorite hobby. He is working on something big, his face is shielded by a mask and a blue flame is burning something metallic.

"Don?"

No answer. Only that buzzing sound that seems to penetrate my brain. I realize it's getting on my nerves, so I take a deep breathe.

"DONNIE?"

Now he hears me and puts the flame out. He looks at me through the squared screen that shields his eyes and I can't tell whether he is annoyed or suprised by my visit.

"What up, Raph?"

"Can I talk to you for a sec?"

He hesitates for a little while and I can't help but sighing, maybe a bit too loud. He knows me too well and knows my temper is about to explode. He won't get it, but the situation is highly uncomfortable for me. It's not the lab, it's not Donnie's hesitation. It's the suffocating feeling of helplessness that's overtaking my soul. And I hate feeling helpless. It annoys me to no end. I close my eyes and rub my temples. In the meantime, he's taken off his mask and has sat in a different chair, cross-legged. I stand opposite of him and he raises his eyebrows. Suddenly he realizes. He is sensitive, and I know it, that's why I am here.

"Are you OK?"

He sounds worried, but I am not. I'm mainly annoyed, and mainly by myself.

"Actually..."

Of course, I get interrupted and of course, by our younger brother Mikey, who's entered the lab in a real hurry, screaming his head out. There it goes. I can't keep the beast chained anymore. I yell his name with all the strenght of my lungs and dive to hit him. And I do. In the middle of his stomach, and he flies backwards to crash into the door he has just gone through. Donnie shouts my name at the same time Mikey complains in a very -annoying - loud voice. But it's too late. I run towards Mikey and he smells the danger, so he makes a beeline for the living room.

"How many times - I yell as I run after him - have I told you not to be so annoying?!"

I know Donnie is running after me, trying to talk some sense into my mind. But I won't stop. Mikey is already in the kitchen, and I'm on his heels, out of my mind.

"Do you have any idea...?"

I can't finish the sentence; I haven't noticed that Donnie was so close. He's jumped and grabbed me by the shoulders, making me lose balance. So I'm on the floor, struggling against him, while Mikey bursts out, breathless, some incoherent things like "what's gotten into you, dude?" and stuff of the kind. I don't really know what's gotten into me. I just know my heart is racing and pulsing in my head. My mind is blurry and I can't put two thoughts together. I'm anxious, stressed, at the brink of breaking. And I don't want to admit why.

I give up. I stop struggling and I raise my hands, so Donnie releases me.


	2. What's wrong?

"OK, OK, I'm good!" I raise my voice just a little, and all of a sudden, I feel my mouth dry. Mikey still acts a bit jumpy when I stand up. I don't look at him, just take a seat and concentrate on the table. I don't feel embarrassed, I'm frustrated. It's taken me a great deal to summon all the courage to go and open up a little at least with Donnie, and now everything's desappeared into thin air. Great, now I have to start all over again. They just don't get it. Donnie's voice reaches me from far away, and I try to look at him.

"Raph, are you all right? You look really pale".

"I told you, I'm all right". It surprises me that my voice comes out as a whisper. I must be worse than I thought. I hear Mikey sigh.

"Phew. You totally have to learn how to control your temper, bro. You gave me the crazy eye back there".

There it goes again. I picture myself smashing him into a wall and wiping off that silly smile of his with a couple of well delivered blows. Dork. Deep inside I know he's right. And deep inside is where I take a deep breathe, not that they would notice. No matter waht, I eye him trying to transmit all the anger I'm holding inside, building thick walls all around my uncontrolled temper.

"Crazy? You were the one acting mad, coming in as if you had lost it".

Donnie takes his eyes from me to look at Mikey.

"Raph's right. What was all the fuss about?"

"Don't ask _me_ ".

I don't see it, but I know Donnie's raising an eyebrow. And I know, because I've lived this situation thousand times, that his next move is going to be to shake his head and then to meet my eyes, searching for an answer to Mikey's nonesense. And I know I'm going to shrug my shoulders and let all the air in my lungs go. I'm going to roll my eyes and then get up and grab Mikey by the elbow, just to shake him. And that is exactly what happens. At the very same time, my mind is counter reacting, sending confusing messages. What a dull. How on Earth could you predict all those reactions in such an accurate way. And a faint voice in my brain answers back. Beats me.

"Eeeeasy, dude" says Mikey just when I touch him.

"Would you please stop acting like a maniac for a change?"

Now it's their turn to exchange looks. They are amused by my using the word "please". Idiots. At that very moment Mikey shrieks, and makes me jump, releasing my grip on him. I'm about to go all over again about his insanity, but he speaks first.

"Oh dudes, now I remember! It's Leo! He passed out like fifteen minutes ago. He gave me the creeps! He was all right like blah blah blah and then all of a sudden he was on the floor and I was like Leo, are you OK? And his mouth went all foamy and gross so I had to run away screaming for help! And then what did you do? You were the one attacking me like a maniac!" He taps my shell with his finger two, three, four times, until I slap him. I'm seconds away from tackling him again when Donnie steps in the middle.

"Guys! Keep it together, will you?"


	3. I can't lose you

And Donnie just runs off. Fine. Leo's passed out. Sure I'm worried. That makes my troubles fade, but I know it's going to be just temporary. They've run, but I drag my feet after them. Slowly the realization of the meaning of Mikey's words sinks in and I move faster. My brothers are standing at Leo's door, and I push Mikey aside to get in. My heart skips a beat and my mouth hangs open. I fling on Leo's body while Donnie is kneeling beside him. He yells at me, but I can't help it: I hug my older brother and shake him gently, begging him to wake up. His mouth is slightly open and something comes from it, something like dark drool. His eyes are closed and as I'm near him I can feel his feeble breathe, but I can hardly find his pulse. Donnie doesn't care about my reactions, and he simply slaps me across the face, so I drop Leo. He hits the floor with a thud and Donnie starts looking for his pulse. I hear him mutter something, but I can't think, I can't understand, and I have no idea why I am reacting this way. I just know that Mikey's taken me by the elbow and I am suddenly on my feet, following him to the kitchen, sitting down again. He looks worried, sad, with that childish look of him, staring at his toes, half whimping, and I know it's my duty as his older brother to comfort him. I know how weak his soul is, and how much he relies on us to feel secure. And my attitude isn't precisely helping.

"Hey Mikey" I whisper, and he stares at me. "It's gonna be OK, don't worry. Donnie's taking care of him, he'll be all right".

"Don't know, bro" his eyes search for a new place, far from mine. "It took me too much time to get Donnie there".

A punch in my guts. A twist. Ouch. I feel puke in my mouth and tears gathering behind my eyes, so I do what I always do when I feel at the edge of breaking. I stand up and punch the first time I see, which happens to be the microwave. It breaks, and I don't feel pain. I howl like an injured animal and aim for the fridge. Mikey stops me.

"Dude, dude! Ice-cream kitty is in there!"

The cat. The weird strawberry falvoured cat of his. I close my eyes and lean against the fridge door.

"It's my fault, Mikey. I was the one chasing you and you couldn't deliver the message".

I wait for his answer, eyes closed. I wait for someone to tell me that I am wrong. But I'm right. I'm always right. So he simply says it, he says I'm right and I scowl at him.

"Guys".

Donnie's voice denotes he has no good news. Mikey and I straighten up and look at him. He lowers his gaze.

"I have no idea what's going on with him. He's OK now, he's opened his eyes and is conscious, but he keeps vomiting that strange black slime... April's on her way. I told her to go to the pharmacy and get some medicine".

I miss half of his sentence since I'm already heading for the corridor. I slam Leo's door open, and he stirs in his bed the moment I storm into the room.

"How are you feeling, bro?" I ask.

"I've been better. I don't know, Raph. Mikey was asking me about one of my comic books when darkness came out of nowhere. It kind of sorrounded me and got inside me, and I couldn't breathe or stand my ground. Next thing I know, Donnie was soaking a rag and applying it to my forehead".

As to remind himself that that wasn't part of a nightmare, he touches his forehead and closes his eyes, clearly finding it cooled.

"Don't worry Leo. We'll find out". I grit my teeth and swear to God I will. No brother of mine is going to suffer in strange circumstances. Not on my watch.


	4. Fresh Air

I know it's been my own scream what has woken me up. I know because I still feel my throat sore and my pupils are slowly adjusting to the dim light of the corridor that breaks into my room through the tiny window of the door. I'm about to cry for Spike but I refrain the impulse just in time; the small fellow isn't going to answer. His absence burns in my chest like a flame. I burrow in bed and try not to think, but the last echoes of the nightmare keep me awake, perhaps too awake. Leo was on the floor in Donnie's lab. His stare blank, his tongue showing. No pulse, no breathe, no life. He was cold and stiff and no matter how many times I tried to shake him awake, he wouldn't answer back. The ominous tone in Donnie's voice came echoing from the dreams' realm to give me goose bumps once again.

"Let him go, Raph. He's dead. Dead".

The weigh of the word is bouncing on the walls and hitting me all over again. I can't stand it anymore. I throw the blanket aside and get up, pick up my bandana and get out of the suffocating room. The walls of the lair seem to be closing in, and I can hardly breathe. I long for fresh air, for a good race on the roof tops, for a fight. A good fight. One of those you seem to be losing till the very last second. One of those that make you do your best, better yourself and leave the taste of victory somehow imprinted in your fingertips, in your skin and your shell. You take victrory in, chew it, swallow it, it becomes part of your blood stream. I secure my sais in my belt and head for the exit. I still have a couple of hours till sunrise. I could use a bit of exercise, it will help me clear my mind and meditate. I need an answer. I need the nightmares to go away. I need to be alone for a while. My hand hasn't reached the turnstile when I hear Leo cough. I hesitate just for a heartbeat, and I hear him again. I must take a door is ajar, but I still knock to warn him of my presence.

"Leo?"There is no answer."Leo? Do you need anything?"

"You to leave".

It takes me off guard. I can just tell where he is by his shade, I'm blocking the light and there is not enough to make out his silhouette.

"Fine!" I yell, I don't care whether I wake the whole lair up. It serves me well, I should have fled when I had it in mind. New York's air is cool and gentle. It's mid February and it's being a hard winter, but there is no trace of snow. All the better, since I hate snow. It makes me feel unsafe to run on the roof tops not knowing when you are going to be diverted by some hidden ice pond. I prefer it this way. A bit too cold when the night is dying, but OK when the sun has just set. Casey is waiting for me at the top of the Neerily highrise, even though I haven't texted him. I get a sudden feeling that this is one of his strange habits, and the realization that we share a favorite place in the city makes me smile. He's a strange guy, this Casey Jones. Too mature for a teenager, but also too childish. It's hard to tell what I like about him, since he is a complete disaster and his emotions are usually all messed up. But he is pretty straight forward, and I appreciate honesty, especially when it comes to friends. Besides he is going through hard times, even though he disguises everything behind that mask of his, and I'm not only talking about his hockey mask. He is a bit like me, I guess, not trusting other people easily and keeping personal stuff secured and away. My first reaction was to attack him from behind, tackle him and make him scream. But I'm too worried for that, maybe. I just lean on the edge just like him, and he doesn't look at me to mutter a "hi". My response is only a shrug.


	5. Rooftops

"Waiting for sunrise, Jones? I didn't have you for such a romantic type".

"Meh, I'm not" He shuffles a bit and stares at me. "A bit late for you, Raph. Thought you turtles slept at sunrise".

"We don't. Or at least I don't". He chuckles, and the effect it has on me is umprecedented. I usually lose my nerve when someone laughs at something I've said, but this guy is somehow different. For some reason his snickers make me release some pressure, and I suddenly realize I've been carrying an invisible weigh on my shoulders, a weigh that goes away when I smirk. He's taken his baseball bat out and points it at me.

"Are you looking for trouble, Jones?"

"Ts. What did you come all the way here for, dude?"I laugh and grab my sais, stay on a horse stance and scowl at him."Let's do this".

He's getting better and better. His feet move almost correctly and even though he can't predict all my moves, he does his best to avoid my attack. He dives forward and I take advantage of all his strength and the force of his blow to take him down. It was suprisingly easy, so when I lean on his back to reduce him I have to ask him.

"Did you let me win?"

"Well, you seem to be pretty down".

I feel fire burning inside my chest. I let a sore cry go out my throat and I kick him on the side. His shout is very high pitched but he manages to stand again. I go for him, sais pointing, and I notice he is retreating making a huge effort to divert my blows. I'm out of my mind, at the top of my fight. I don't care that my oponent is weaker than me, an untrained child who is getting more and more scared with every blow I deliver. I hear my name coming from his mouth, more desperate every time. I start to see clearly again. Casey seems beside himself with fear. It's the second time I lose my temper in less than twelve hours. I cool off little by little.

"I'm not down". Aplogizing is not in my code. I do it seldom, and everyone around me is aware of this. He approaches as you would do to an injured animal, slowly and with little confidence.

"Do you want to... talk about it?"

He knows the question makes me feel awkward because he feels awkward himself when he asks it. He wants my answer to be no, and that's exactly what I manage to utter.

"I'm fine, Jones. I just wanted... To think on my own".

"Do you want me to leave?"

"Do whatever you want".He stays. We are side by side, watching the skyline of the city. My mind is completely empty, I can't think of anything. It's like being in a meditation state but totally aware that you are wide awake, in the middle of a sleeping city and with a big issue to solve in your hands. I have no idea what my next move should be, if any. I just know I hate to be idle, and that's exactly how I feel standing there, while the big city starts to breathe again and comes to life. We don't speak a word while the sun rises step by step. When its rays find our faces, Casey stirs up and touches my shoulder.

"I'm afraid I have to go to school. See you later, dude".

"Later".


	6. The attack

I'm not fully aware that he's leaving. My eyes remain fixed in the sun, until I see sparkles. It's getting warmer and the realization of human beings walking on the streets far below makes me move a little, and I feel my body totally numb. I stretch and get going. I have nowhere to go but the lair, and my mind isn't as clear as I'd like it to be.

The sewers are silent but for a couple of drops that splash on the accumulated water at my feet. I avoid the narrow stream that is taking exactly the same way I'm walking. I concentrate only on my steps, the sound they make and how it echoes in the tunnel. At some point I start to count them until my brain hastily registers an increasing sound that comes from my back. Ninja mode is automatically activated and I blend in the shadows, my back against the solid and cold rock and I hold my breath. Now I realize the sound of someone running towards me, or following me. The footsteps are light and the person must be really in a hurry. As the sound draws nearer and nearer I also hear that whoever it is, it's panting. I think I only know one person who would run like that, panting like crazy and not getting out of breath.

At the very same moment I come out from my hiding place I realize I have my sais in a defending position, so I put them back where they belong, before I'm too close. She might have psychic powers but she is really clumsy when she is agitated. I don't have time to yell a warning, and she has already bumped into me, screamed, and I'm forced to grab her wrists and soothe her.

"April, April, chill out! It's me, Raph!"

It took her a couple of minutes to take in what I was telling her.

"Raph?"

"Heck, yeah. Are you all right?"

"Oh, my God, Raph!" She flings her arms around me and presses herself to me. I can't help blushing, I don't know why, but human contact makes me flinch in a regular basis. It's not like I'm used to hugging, not only humans, but also turtles, rats, any being. I take her by the arms and put her aside. She looks beside herself, jumpy and scared; so unlike her.

"Jeez, what's happened?"

I help her to keep walking, I don't like being stuck in the tunnels for too long. She stills takes some minutes to recover, holding her hands folded and close to her chest, as if trying to calm her heartbeat down. I give her all the time she needs, but by the time we are reaching the entrance to the lair, I get a bit queasy, as if the place was closing in on me. I hep her to the couch and sit next to her, about to run out of patience. She closes her eyes and leans back, taking deep breaths.

"April...? Care to tell me what happened yet?"

Her eyes flutter open, and she looks at me, as if just realizing I'm with her.

"Leo was following me, wielding his blades. He wanted to kill me Raph".

I raise an eyebrow at her. I know perfectly well where Leo is, and not precisely chasing April down the streets. He's sick, and unable to move. So either she is lying or there is an impostor running around in Leo's appearance, but the last idea just makes me chuckle. Not the time for that, though; she immediately glares at me, frowning, clearly thinking she scares me or something.

"I'm not kidding, Raph. It was Leo. He called my name, and I was really surprised to see him - I mean, I was walking to school! And he just - attacked me".

I sigh.

"April, Leo is in his room, passed out. He's not attacking anyone. He can't".

She looks at me again, this time a bit concerned... perhaps about her mental condition?

"I know what I saw". She rolls her sleeve up to reveal a small scrape, shallow, but still bleeding. "He did this to me"


	7. Dreams

Donnie's chuckles make me roll my eyes in disgust. He's blind, the poor guy; he must be the only one that doesn't see clearly that April is not precisely interested in having a relationship with him. But he seems quite cheerful as he gets to put a band-aid on her scrape. A small concerned smile plays on her lips and I have to step between the two, so Donnie takes his eyes off her and focuses on what is more important.

"Hey braniac! How is he?"

I point at Leo, who is lying on Donnie's table in the lab, passed out. I have realized, though, that he stirs and tosses whenever I come near, so I'm refraining to do so, even though that is causing a fire burn in my chest, which I'm afraid will explode and come out at any minute.

April stays safely behind me, holding her arm, afraid that my brother could jump down the table and attack her again. I simply glance at her and ignore her fear, knowing it's totally unfounded. Donnie checks his monitors, and sighs.

"This is really unprecedented" He trails off and I squeeze my eyes shut. I hate it so much when he talks to himself, without giving further explanations for the ones who are listening to him. I take one deep breath, then another, and he is still not bothering to keep talking. I feel April's eyes on me and I glare at her, so she averts her eyes. I approach the monitors slowly, glancing over at Leo. I notice he is clenching his teeth, and a frown is forming on his face. He doesn't open his eyes, though, and I let a small sigh slip, somewhat relieved that he is not going to snap at me. Or is he? My eyes land on the screens, and all those lines and points tell me nothing. Donnie has an expression of total concentration, rubbing his chin absentmindedly. One more second and I'll smack his head, but he notices my eyes are burning holes in his face, so he narrows his eyes at the monitors and points at one of the lines.

"See here? His brain is working normally. As if he was awake, or in a very vivid dream. He is even seeing things and having feelings. But over here –" He moves his finger across the screen and glances at me. "There are strange reactions on his perception of these images he sees. He takes them for real, and he can change the events. It's really unusual."

"Uh huh..."

For some reason it doesn't sound unusual to me, right on the contrary. I feel a shudder run down my spine and I close my eyes for a moment. Those symptoms sound the same I have been experiencing at night, whenever I doze off. It gives me goose bumps and I turn around, trying not to meet Donnie's eyes, for I know the scientist is sharp as a tack when it comes to notice unsettlement in any of us. Instead, I look at my older brother, whose face is relaxed again. April has somehow managed to overcome her reluctance to come closer to Leo and she is gazing at the monitors on the spot I have just left.

"So... you think he can somehow project a powerful image of himself in the real world?" she asks Donnie, and I can't help shaking my head and sighing. Donnie looks at her half amused, half concerned.

"No, April... I think that's highly impossible".

She frowns, surely upset because none of us believes her story.

I suddenly realize I have been staring at Leo while the other two were talking, and that he has opened his eyes and is staring back at me. His stare gives me the creeps, though, it's so cold and unreal that it makes me back up, but he moves fast, plugging himself off the electrodes Donnie has attached to his forehead, temples and arms.

I think it's the first time I stay rooted to the spot when my life is in danger. He is lunging at my neck and I'm not reacting, even though I'm seeing the whole scene in slow motion. Donnie's bo staff appears in the middle, to my surprise. He holds Leo back and straps him back on the table. Leo keeps shooting icy glares a me, and my heart beats like crazy, both due to his uncalled reaction and to my inability to protect myself.

My headaches are turning back. I better go to bed and forget about the world.


	8. Blue

I wake up with a start again.

Again.

I am sweating and I pull the covers back, kicking them. My first thought is to get up and go fetch some water, but the minute my feet touch the floor I know I'm not going to be able to stand up. I'm shaking and feeling dizzy, so I take deep breaths and try to calm down, to think straight. I rub my eyes and stand up slowly, carefully. One foot in front of the other, come on, Raph, you can do it. I wipe sweat off my forehead and focus on the door, it's not that far away.

Glass. I step on glass and my heart skips a beat. I crouch down, maybe too quickly, and I'm forced to close my eyes and steady myself in my new position. I've cracked a small jar that I don't recognize. I pick up the pieces and look at them, frowning slightly. It's odd, but my mind is in no condition to solve any jigsaw puzzles, so I put them aside on my nightstand and walk to the kitchen. It's been probably Mikey, messing around as always. No matter how many times I've told him not to come near my room, he never listens. Well, this time he's earned some good pounding. I could have hurt myself. He's paying. The thought makes a smile play on my lips as I open the fridge and reach for some cold water. That will either help me or give me a brain - freeze, a win win. I sit down at the table, a glass of water in front of me, and I try to recall the dream.

They are changing, somehow. They used to be vivid, real, in such a scary way. Voices, noises, scents, everything got attached to my memory and I could replay the scenario and the events on my mind as many times as I wanted, even during waking hours. I could have wrriten a book about them. Oh, well, maybe it's not too late yet.

At the beginning, I wasn't scared. It was kinda fun to run around in the dream realm and being able to change things, events, sometimes even tamper with other characters' wills. I used to think I was inside a video game, and it was thrilling. But at some point, the dreams started to get 'inside' me. I don't even know what that means, maybe they were like some kind of drug: the more I tampered with them, the more addictive I became and there was a point from which I couldn't come back. The dreams decided where I was going and what I was doing. And I couldn't track the story back down once I was awake. That was when I freaked out and decided I needed help.

But now that will have to wait, because obviously, Leo's problem comes first. And now is when I have to be quiet and keep the changes to myself. Maybe the only solution is not to sleep anymore. Or try and fight the dreams back? Too bad I can't stab them with my sais.

Too bad.

I don't feel like sleeping anymore, so I trudge out of the kitchen and into the living room. My eyes notice a small trail of some kind of liquid. Blue. Bright blue. I kneel down and look at it. There are only some drops, but they mark a perfect path from the entrance to... I turn my head back. To my room. _'Huh?'_ I follow the drops, almost on tiptoe, as if a blue monster would be waiting for me behind my door. I peek inside the room, and everything is exactly the same as I have left it. No trace of the blue drops. Not until my eyes rest on my nightstand. _'The jar. What the - '_ I walk over to my nightstand and take the pieces. I turn them in my hand trying to find a meaning, trying to make them talk to me. As if they could. Now that I'm taking a closer look I realize there are some scratches on them. I sit on the floor, not quite believing I'm really going to make the jigsaw puzzle after all. But I need to find out. I need to make my heart beat at a normal pace. It's not that hard to bring them together. Thank goodness the glass is quite thick and it hasn't shattered into small pieces. I hold the jar together with one hand, I get up and turn on the light; the scratches are too thin to make them out only with my nightlamp.

I frown.

Why on earth is there a jar in my room with the TCRI sign on it?

I haven't taken it from Donnie's lab.

The liquid had been dripping all the way from the entrance.

So there are only two possible answers. Either someone has snuck into my room from the outside while I was sleeping... Or I am a sleepwalker and I have brought it myself, all the way from a kraang facility.


	9. Finding a Dream

I have been sitting next to Donnie's door for more than one hour. I don't feel tired or sleepy because my mind is racing and I'm too scared to sleep. Anyway I wouldn't let the guys know about this last part, they have enough trouble worrying about Leo.

I get up clumsily when the door opens and a drowsy Donnie comes out, still tying his mask around his eyes. He jumps and suppresses a yelp when he notices me and I put a finger on my lips to hush him.

"Just me. No need to panick" I don't give him the opportunity to answer back and I hold the jar under his nose. I have put it together with some sticky tape trying not to cover the TCRI sign.

"This was in my room. Its content is on the floor almost all over the living area. I need you to analyze it and tell me where it comes from and of course, don't. Tell. Mikey"

Donnie's eyes go from the jar to me, and then back to the jar. He yawns and takes it from my hand, but to my surprise, he doesn't even look at it.

"Whoa, dude. Relax. Coffee first. My brain is not working yet".

He trudges to the kitchen, and I notice he is looking at the jar, turning it over in his hands. Sure your brain isn't working. As if it could stop at any time.

I let him have his coffee alone, and I go to the lab. Apparently, my mind wants to pick a test tube and put some of the blue liquid inside before someone steps on it and ruins it. I have thought about that during the night, but Leo is now sleeping in the lab, and I can't stand coming near him during the day, let alone at night. I make sure he is sleeping before I come too close. I walk keeping an eye on him, as he tosses and turns. For some reason, he is able to detect my presence, even though he seems sound asleep. His brow furrows and he looks uncomfortable, but I don't fall for it this time. I take the test tube and hurry out of the lab the minute I hear him growl. Not even Donnie has been able to come with a suitable explanation of why he only gets distressed when I am around. Mikey has spent a whole night watching him, and Donnie runs his tests on him without any complication. He doesn't move a finger. He is never fully awake, though. He opens his eyes from time to time and looks around, with a surprised expression. Sometimes he even talks, but his words come out more like mumbling, and we usually can't make out what he is saying. I glance over at him from the door frame and sigh. Somehow I feel closer to the solution now, maybe because I've finally found a track to follow.

I trudge to the living area and squat by the blue liquid. _Yeah, I'm a genius. How am I supposed to put that into the tube without touching it?_ I can't help but chuckle a little. What was I thinking.

"Need some help with that?" Donnie smiles down at me, holding a steaming cup of coffee. I look away with a scowl, I hate being wrong. No, actually I hate being busted when I'm wrong.

"Yeah, sure" I don't make eye contact with him, I sit on the floor and wait while he goes to the lab and comes back with his tool box. He sets the cup of coffee aside and pumps some of the liquid into the test tube I hand him. He takes a closer look at it and sighs.

"I'm gonna need my microscope, but it has the same texture than our ooze. Where did you find this again?"

"Ugh, in my room. I broke it. But it was empty. The content had been spilled before"

He raises an eyebrow and glances at the liquid.

"That's awkward".

I growl and hold my head in my hands. I make a quick decision and go for sarcastic instead of angry.

"Oh, you think? Didn't think of it when I spent half of the night WAITING FOR YOU TO GET UP!"

Jeez I can't control it. I always end up with angry. He frowns and picks up his cup of coffee.

"So polite, Raph. No wonder I'm looking forward to helping you out. I'll tell you when I know something about this thing."

He takes a sip of his drink, giving me a hurtful look. I simply shrug. I don't reckon I've done anything wrong. I have a problem, I ask for help. It's impossible to understand these guys. Whenever I bottle up my feelings and keep them to myself, they are pissed off. If I come to them asking for help, they are pissed off. Ugh. Donnie can keep to his microscope and the scientific side of my problem.

I'll go to TCRI and see where the jar came from.

I gear up and look around, maybe hoping that someone stops me. I'd hate to admit I'm a little scared to discover where this might lead to. Nobody is around, so I leave the lair, not caring for my stealth.

"You better not do this alone, bro. Last time you went out alone, you sprained an ankle"

Mikey giggles and jumps off a pipe, landing just next to me. I shoot him an icy glare and fold my arms.

"What are you doing, Mikey?"

"Nothing. Just hanging there. As usual".

"You usually hang up there?" I roll my eyes at him.

"Sometimes. But that's not the point. The point is where are you going at this time and on your own".

He pokes my chest, maybe trying to intimidate me, or to sound threatening. I smack his hand and laugh. My mind must be numb today, because I feel an itch telling me that I need him to come with me. Or maybe not that, maybe I just don't want to be alone.

"I'm going on an adventure. You wanna come?"

He brightens up and jumps a bit. Man, it is so easy to make this kid happy.

"Of course I want, dude! The new A team is on the loose! Who are we chasing?"

I start walking and he follows, a silly smile on his face.

"I don't really know Mike. But I'll recognize the place when I see it, because I've been there already. In dreams, but I hope it counts."


	10. A path to follow

Of course he has to slip on the only pond there is on the roof. I stretch my hand out and grab him before he falls off. He giggles goofily and holds on to me.

"Thanks Raph. Nice save".

I close my eyes and muster all the will power I have not to drop him.

"Mikey. Stay focused. I don't want them to spot us, hear us or capture us. Are we clear?"

He smiles, half apologetically, half unsure. I put him down on the rooftop and shoot him a last glare before peeking inside through the window. Nothing new to my eyes. Kraang, more kraang, mutagen, a couple of big machines I don't recognize or understand - and honestly I don't care about. And a sigh. I grumble under my breath before turning to him.

"What now, Mikey?"

"Would you mind - uh... telling me - what are we looking for? Does this have anything to do with making Leo feel better? I don't quite remember you telling me..."

My hand is sometimes faster than my brain. I realized I have smacked his head before even thinking about it. I smile a bit and shake my head.

"I don't really know, to be honest. But I hope so".

He rubs his head and looks at me with only one eye open.

"Why do you think he hates you bro? I mean, I have a theory, but I'd like to know your point of view."

I glare at him and raise my hand, ready to smack him again. He scoots away and covers his head, this time he's been faster than me, what makes me smile.

"I don't want to know your theory. And I have no idea why he doesn't like me to be around. Now shut up and let's focus. See that desk over there? They have lots of chemicals and stuff. I want you to gather as many as you can, especially if they are blue. Flashdrives would be much appreciated. Anything that can contain information. Got it?"

He nods, already with that determined look in his eyes. I hand him a backpack and he slings it over his shoulder. He gives me a thumb up, not smiling, trying to look confident. Or to reassure me. Mikey sometimes does this kind of things, trying to act strong for the others. As if we didn't know he is just pretending.

We sneak through the window and climb down a rope to the floor. So far, the kraang are busy with their own stuff. We advance close to the wall, I have already detected three emergency exits, just in case the fight gets too hard - if there is any. Sure there will be, there are at least five bots gathering around the desk I need to get to. I nudge Mikey and point at the desk. He hurries over and I smash the bots, taking them down. I see my brother fill the bagpack with anything at hand and my eyes search the desk for anything that could look similar to my blue liquid.

Some.

Different tones of blue, oh well. I make a sign to Mikey and he nods, grabbing all of them. I haven't been carless when taking the bots down, but it has triggered some kind of alarm, and I find myself surrounded by those freaks, having to find my way out. Not that hard, though. They were caught off guard and let's be fair, they are pretty easy to break. Mikey is already running ahead of me, climbing up the rope. I follow suit, dodging the laser blasts aimed at me. Really, can these guys be any lamer at shooting their weapons? I've seen them missing a target only inches away.

Mikey and I fist bump the minute we reach the street. Mikey is pumped, skipping down the alleyway.

"Hey, genius! Give me that backpack before you break all the glass and mix the chemicals."

He doesn't protest, he simply hands me over the backpack and keeps jumping up and down.

"Wasn't that awesome, dude? Aren't we the best team ever? Wait until Leo hears about this. I'm gonna tell him like ha! We need no leader no more, we are just so cool!"

I wince and shove him off.

"Don't you ever say a thing like that. Ever again. We need him. Period".

"Uh... duh... I was just kidding Raph. You know, we did it quite great back there...".

He looks down, no longer cheerful. I'm about to go easier on him, brighten his mood up, when I see something out of the corner of my eye. There was no movement, it's just a place. A familiar place. I grab Mikey by his mask ends to make him stop.

"I've been here before".

He gets free from my grip and looks at me, then at the building I'm looking at.

"Uh, yeah, probably. It's near TCRI, I'm sure we all have been here before..."

"I mean inside, you shell brain".

"Oh..."

I give him the backpack and start climbing the fire escape. Sure I have been here. Here are where my dreams start from. As if it was the first stage on a difficult video game, I am forced to repeat it over and over again. And this is the start point. I reach the fifth floor and look down. This the exact spot. Mikey waves at me from the ground and I ignore him.

I stare right in front of me. There is something waving in the breeze, hooked in the railing of the opposite rooftop. I squint trying to make it out, and I gasp.

It looks like a blue mask, but I can't be sure until I reach it.


	11. Alternative Way

Donnie seems overwhelmed, and I realize it is probably the first time I see him freaking out about having so much to do in his lab. It's like, come on, he loves to be locked up in there! We have just brought him a good excuse not to leave the place in a long while.

"Are you aware of how many chemicals you have brought? And three flashdrives? I have to decode them to read the information! It can take ages! Ugh, you really have to be kidding me!"

He turns around hugging the backpack against his chest while Mikey and I exchange amused looks.

"Besides!" Our brother turns to us once more, and I can tell he notices our fake innocence, because he squints at us. "Leo is still occupying one of my desks. In case you haven't noticed!"

He keeps complaining and grumbling as he walks off. I'm glad the lab doesn't have a door he can slam, but I flinch either way.

"Fine! I'm sorry I was trying to help then!"I burtst out, clenching my fists. Mikey pats my shoulder.

"Chill, bro. Want a massage? Don't wanna brag but I'm pretty good at it, and that will totally help you cool off!"

I have no time to accept of decline, he starts rubbing my shoulders straight away and I stiffen before cracking my neck. Yeah, it kinda feels good. If he wasn't humming. Why must he be so annoying? He smacks my head and I wince, not having expected such reaction.

"Hey!" I can't turn around because he has me pinned down by my shoulders; his giggles just irritate me more.

"Relax, Raphie boy. If you are all tense my massages don't work".

"Don't call me -"

He smacks my head again and I growl, he laughs. And he knows he's lost, because he releases me and runs off. Of course I chase him, it's my duty as older brother not to let him step on my toes. He knocks everything down, trying to put obstacles on my way, and that makes me laugh. Stupid kid. We have done this far too many times to know that those kind of tricks don't stop me. So I finally lunge forward and trip him, and he falls flat on the floor. That's my opportunity to lay on his back and squeeze his head.

"Don't ever call me that again!"

"Okay, okay" He whimpers and squirms, and even though I know he's faking it, I let go and walk off. He gets up immediately and brushes himself off.

"One minute you're my teammate, the next you're chasing me down. You need some medicine, Raph".

I don't bother to turn and face him, I just shake my head, showing him I don't care about his deep thoughts. Deep inside, I doubt, but I don't let the thoughts creep in. I go into my room and plop down on my bed. Wrapped around my wrist is the blue mask I have retrieved from the rooftop.

I don't know how I have been able to avoid all the questions Mikey has asked me. Probably because I didn't know the answers to half of them. His eyes were scared when he looked at me as I climbed down holding the mask tight in my fist.

 _Is it Leo's.._. I just shrugged. Honestly speaking, I don't know. But if I pay attention to my heart, I can't find any other owner to the blue fabric.

 _How did you know it was there..._ I didn't. I just found it. But I somehow was certain it wasn't casual. It was there for a reason, since it was a place so tightly related to my dreams.

 _How come we never noticed Leo wasn't wearing his mask..._ That was the question I really couldn't answer. Was there any possibility that stuff could travel from the dreams realm to the real one? Or the other way round? I guess there is only one person that can help with this, and that's Leo. He is the only one having a similar problem... Or whatever it is.

I untie the mask and hold it close to my chest. Ok, time to face him. No matter how jumpy he acts, or how many times he wants to bite me, I won't leave until I get the answers I need.

The moment I step into the lab I know I have been deceiving myself. I'm not going to be able to talk to him, he's sound asleep. Donnie is analyzing something with his microscope and he won't allow me to wake him up just for a few questions. I see Leo is still connected to the monitors, and Donnie is probably recording his brain activity, one more reason not to unsettle him. I sigh and turn around. Donnie hasn't even noticed me, and nor has Leo... All the better. My eyes are locked on the blue mask I'm holding when a sudden idea strikes me. I get back into the lab and I try to catch Donnie's attention from the door frame, not wanting Leo to notice me. The scientist finally looks up and walks over at me.

"I have enough work already, Raph. No more mysteries for today, ok?"

"Ha ha very funny, D. I need a pill. I need to go to sleep right now."

"Huh?" He raises an eyebrow. "Why don't you lay down and see what happens?"

I huff. How come he is so smart for some things and so slow for some others?

"Because I need a good night sleep. I've been waking up a lot lately."

"Are you sure?"

I growl and hold my head.

"Can you help me or not?"

"Yeah, yeah... Jeez. Why is everyone acting so weird lately?" He walks back to his desk and opens a couple of drawers before he finds what he is looking for.

"Here. Take just one. But eat something first".

"Sure"

I take the pill from his hands and hurry to the kitchen, stuff myself with some cereals and down the pill with some water. I go to bed and for the first time in years, hug my stuffed bear, together with that strange blue mask. I feel drowsy and my eyes close.

Ok, Leo. I'm going to find you and we are going to talk, whether you like it or not.


	12. Leo

The beginning is always blurry.

No matter how many times I rub my eyes, or how hard. It's blurry.

I take a deep breath as I look out from the window, to see exactly what I expect to see. In front of me, a building. Down there, the alleyway, five floors underneath my feet. And I'm floating.

First thing, get to the floor, I hate flying in dreams.

Clouds rush past me and I open my arms, but I can't feel them. The scenery is changing, and I'm walking along a deserted street, surrounded by trees. I can hear the birds and some squirrels jump from branch to branch, in the same direction I'm heading. I look up and realize the sky has a very sepcial tone of blue, it's cloudless, although there is no sun. I force my feet to stop, slowly gaining conscience. It is me the one who has to be in control of the dream, and not the other way round. I lean against a tree and take long deep breaths, trying to think straight. What I am here for. Why can't I just wake up the minute I'm starting to panick. I squeeze my eyes shut and ignore the squirrels nibbling on my head. A sudden realization makes me smack them off me, and I start running, being positive that the crawly-creepy sound I hear are cockroaches.

I have pissed the dream off. Now we are talking.

I concentrate on both leaving the roaches behind and change the scenery. Last time Leo was mumbling in his sleep he didn't talk about a place like this. He was in the sewers. That is a place as good as any other to start from. It takes a toll, though, to change something so powerful as this stupid nightmare. I feel my energy draining and I can imagine my body tossing and turning as I sleep on my bed. I just hope that Mikey doesn't come with the brilliant idea of waking me up, or I'll kill him. For real this time.

I stop running and crouch down, holding my head, creating a powerful image of the sewers. Trying to at least. The image glitches when the roaches creep all over me and I start to panick. I don't know how long it takes, but I finally give in and roll on the floor screaming my head out and smacking my arms and head. I'm good. I'm good. I keep repeating myself as I swallow hard and look up.

"Took you long enough, knucklehead"

I take the hand Leo is offering me and pull myself up, looking around. I'm in a place I don't recognize and I have certainly not thought of. And he is looking at me, smiling brightly, his arms crossed across his chest, as good as new. I stare at him for a long while, slouching a bit. He starts to laugh a bit, and I try to reach for my anger and slap him, but I'm too astonished to do anything like that. I keep staring until I can shrug it off and come up with something to say.

"Took me long - what?"

And that's the first thing I say to him. I'm brilliant right?

"Come. I need to show you something".

I grab his arm and yank him back.

"No, you're not - nothing. You are going to answer all the questions I have for you, starting from what the shell is going on with you".

"With me?"

His eyes look into mine, utterly confused. I let go and cross my arms, not knowing what to think any more.

"You're passed out back home. And you have all of us worried sick. What is going on?"

"Home?" He blinks a few times and his reaction starts to sink in.

"Leo. You're asleep. This is a dream".

"Oh." He frowns and looks down, rubbing his chin. "That explains so many things. Like why I keep repeating the same things so many times. Or why I can't find you guys."

"But you were waiting for me".

He brightens up and grabs my arm.

"I was! Because I knew you were coming! After all this time looking for all of you, she finally told me you'd arrive today!"

I smack his hand and stand rooted to the spot, not feeling very attracted by the idea of following Leo into his world of madness.

"She? Who is she?"

"That's what I want you to see! Come!" He tugs at my arm again and I give in, annoyed. After a few minutes I stop him one more time.

"There's something else. This" I lift my hand, the blue mask is tied around my wrist. He looks at me, then at the mask, and shrugs.

"I guess it's mine?"

"I found it in the real world. And you never took yours off back there".

He rubs the back of his head, thinking.

"I - I don't know Raph. I have just realized we are in a dream, so... I don't know how to answer that. But maybe she can."

I growl, starting to feel annoyed by that 'she', that I can't help but picture as another Karai.

"One more thing." I look down and take a deep breath before I can speak again and muster the courage to look into his blue eyes. "Whenever I come near you in Donnie's lab... You try to attack me. And only by standing in the same room you get all crazy and restless in your sleep. No idea about that, either?"

"Uh..." He looks clueless, and I grumble under my breath. So much effort for this...? There's only one card I can still play, just to prove to myself that the dream trip hasn't been useless. I tackle Leo and start to slap him as hard as I can. It takes him a few moments to react and try to push my hands off.

"H-hey... RAPH! What are you doing?!"

"I'm. Trying. To. Wake you. UP!"

"Well that's clearly not working!"

I stop and slouch a bit, still pinning him down to the floor with my knees. He rubs his face and looks startled at me.

"Can I get up now?"

I roll my eyes and get off him reluctantly.

"Jeez, looks like there are many things you guys aren't figuring out". He seems to realize all of a sudden the consequences that his state could bring along.

"Wait... what happens if I never wake up? Uh... Will you even wake up again?"

"Well you... Wait, what?!"

I haven't thought about it, to be honest. What if I can't wake up either and Donnie has to pull another desk next to Leo's in his lab to plug me to the monitors? What if he can't even do that because my body can't be near Leo's without him tossing and turning? Oh, please, Mikey, throw a water balloon at my face now. Please. Right now.

I hear a laugh in the distance and I gulp, feeling goose bumps. It sounds somehow off and supernatural, as if it wasn't attached to any body. I draw my sais out and look over at Leo. He's grinning, and that scares me a bit more.

"Oh, good, finally you can meet her!"


	13. Awakening

The first impression I had of her is that she looks like a mixture of kraang bot and ugly woman. A bit like that frigging chick with exploding elbows and - whatever, it is just a feeling created by the way she moves. Too awkward, 0% natural. I look at her and then at Leo, who has his fanboy face on. Great, we are doomed. I've just met his new idol. So I need my cool head on if I don't want to be deceived by her and my brother, because we all know how Leo acts around his idols, right? Right.

"Welcome home, Raphael".

Good! She knows my name. Why am I even surprised, since she has told Leo I'd be coming...

"Home?"

She spreads her arms and looks around, so I assume this place is something like her creation. I don't care though. I cross my arms and frown, waiting for a water balloon to wake me up. Or a slap. I'd be happy with any, actually.

Leo is grinning, and I'm really feeling like punching him.

"Who are you anyway?" I grumble, not even caring to look at her. Leo takes my arm and I push him away. Not a chance I'm going to become affectionate all of a sudden in the dreams realm.

"She's a great sorceress Raph. She can see the past and the future!"

"Right, that doesn't answer my question".

"My name is sacred. You can't pronounce it".

I roll my eyes and turn around.

"I've had enough nerd talk for one day. I'm going home".

She appears right in front of me and I jump back.

"But you are home".

I have a sudden feeling that she is not going to let me wake up. I'm as trapped as Leo is, unless I do something. Unless I'm still fully aware that I am not in the real world. But that is taking a toll. Everything seems solid and real, her voice, Leo's, mine. Everything could be happening in our sewers, back in the real New York.

Mikey walks into the lab looking around. He gives Leo a sad stare and then his eyes land on Donnie.

"D. I'm bored".

Donnie looks up from the microscope, half annoyed, half surprised.

"Go bother Raph. I have a lot of stuff to do. All those chemicals you guys brought from TCRI are quite interesting. Did you know that the kraang are perfecting the mutagen? This new ooze could really turn you into a new kind of mutant, let's say a 2.0 version. And you'll never guess what they are trying! I could decode the flashdrives and -"

Mikey raises a hand and rolls his eyes.

"Let me stop you right there, Donatello. Because I've already lost interest and I don't want you to waste your time, if you are not going to make my boredom go away. BESIDES! I can't go and bother Raph because he is sound asleep."

Donnie's eye twitches but he manages to sigh and let the tension go before snapping at his brother.

"I know. He's taken a pill so it won't be easy to wake him up. And he doesn't want us to anyway. So stay away."

He shudders a bit, knowing that his final statement will make Mikey stay with him at the lab. It's probably their fault that the youngest can't find entertainment on his own and seeks all the time fun with others. If only they had let him grow a bit more independent while they were kids... But the harm is already done. He points at a stool next to him.

"Why don't you sit here and watch me work?"

He frowns immediately and crosses his arms.

"I'm not going to fall for that again, D. Watching you work is more boring than being bored. And I'm bored enough! Nuh- huh, thank you very much!"

Donnie rubs his temples and finally gives in.

"Okay, okay. What do you want to do?"

"I wanna help make Leo feel good again!"

Donnie smiles a bit and walks around his desk to stand in front of him.

"That's so sweet Mikey". Donnie's remark makes the younger turtle smile and look over at Leo. The blue masked one is tossing and turning and both his brothers look a bit confused. Since Raph is not around, he has actually no reason to be feeling restless.

"He's never done that before..." Donnie mumbles before running over to the monitors and check Leo's brain activity. Mikey holds his older brother's hand and pats it, whimpering a bit.

"This is new... He's not scared or in distress like when Raph's around. He's actually feeling ... excited."

"He is?" Mikey raises an eyebrow and looks at Leo, who is starting to mumble something in his sleep. Mikey lowers his voice to a whisper and leans in, so he can make out his brother's words. "What is it Leo? Talk to me, bro..." Leo's lips move slowly and Mikey comes even closer, until Donnie realizes he's almost crushing his brother's plastron.

"Mikey! Let him breathe!" He yanks his little brother back and huffs. "Be careful!"

Mikey blushes a bit and frowns, disappointed in himself. Of course, he has been clumsy enough again to almost harm one of his brothers. _I'll never learn,_ he thinks, but his thoughts trail off as he notices Leo starting to mumble again. He glances at Donnie first, but he has returned to the screens and is noting something down in a notebook. Mikey smiles a bit and leans in again to listen to whatever Leo is whispering.

"Raph..."

Mikey's eyes widen and he looks at Donnie again, hesitating.

"Raph what?" He whispers back, finally deciding he needs a complete story to tell Donnie about instead of only unrelated pieces.

"...can't leave".

Mikey frowns, not really satisfied with the answer. He shakes Leo a bit, gently at first, but when he gets no reaction, he shakes him harsher.

"Whoa, Mikey, what are you doing?" Donnie has noticed Leo shaking through the wires that connect him to his monitor. He turns to his younger brother with a scowl, and that is enough to make him retreat.

"S-sorry. He said something about Raph and... I just wanted to know more".

Donnie glares at him, still visibly upset. He then just shakes his head and plugs the electrodes back to Leo's temples and arms. Mikey pouts a bit and turns around, determined to leave the lab.

"Fine" He mumbles to himself. "If you don't let me help, I have my own way to help".

He looks back just once to make sure Donnie is still in his lab and has returned to his microscope. He creeps then into Raph's room and peeks inside.

"Raph...? Dude, are you awake?". Since there's no answer, he enters, careful not to make any sudden noises. He stands next to the bed and looks at his brother. He hesitates only for a heartbeat, knowing that the consequences of his actions can be dreadful. He shrugs and slaps him as hard as he can.

"Wake up dude! Leo wants to see you!"

He frowns when he doesn't succeed. A small smile plays on his lips before he pops up to five water balloons in Raph's face. The pillow is soaking wet and he's barely moving. He opens his eyes just a bit and closes them again. Mikey frowns.

"I guess I need to try harder".

He smirks and leaves to the kitchen, where he opens the freezer and smiles at IceCream Kitty.

"Come here, you cutie!" He takes the Kitty in his hands and walks back to the room. "Here's your first ninja mission! Wake Raph up!" He sets her on top of Raph's forehead and crosses his arms, simply waiting. She looks up at him confused before putting her paws on Raph's face. She meows and purrs, starting to wobble down to his neck. Mikey tilts his head.

"Hope you don't choke - ".

"MIKEY!" The Kitty growls as Mikey takes her quickly, getting ready to leave the room and run for his life. All of a sudden, he gets pulled into a hug, and he's not sure if this reaction from his brother is better or worse than the one expected.


End file.
